struggles with surrogates (or, the happy silver lining)

The proverbial drawing board. Photo: Argos
Back in September, we were riding the high of taking the first steps with Easy Bake Oven. Shortly thereafter, we went into a holding pattern when she decided to apply to the Police Academy. A drawback, to be sure, but IT Geek and I knew it was meant to be and for the best. I always say things happen for a reason, and had she gone forward with us, she would have been pregnant when this job opportunity came up and that would've sucked. So we're happy for her. Mind you, EBO said if she didn't get into the academy she'd still do this.

Luckily, we had someone close by who said if we ever needed her, she'd do it for us. So, after a tearful and laughter-filled meeting with her at a local coffee shop, we decided to move forward with surrogate #2, heretofore known as EBO2 (keeping EBO warm, because it'll be awhile before she knows if she got in).

Dr. Hope was thrilled to hear everything was going to happen here, as was the entire office. I gotta admit, we were giddy as well. EBO2 sailed through the consult and medical evals. Here we were, further along than we'd been yet! Then I got a text, and subsequent phone call, from EBO2. In a nutshell, she's not going to be able to move forward. I was heartbroken -- we were almost to mock cycle, with a plan to do the transfer in January. But I understand. Life happens. My first concern was EBO2. I hope she's well and everything works out for her.

I cried for a bit in my office, then called Dr. Hope to tell her the news. She's bummed -- they really have taken us on like family at LRU-W. I asked her what we should do. We've gotten our hopes up twice now. Her response? Take a break. Take a trip. Take a few months off. "A lot has happened this year, Kara. Your cancer, IVF, surgery, two surrogates. Take a few months, try not to think about anything surrogate-related 'til after the holidays. Then call me in the new year and we'll talk more," she said.

I waited until I got home that night to tell IT Geek the news. To his credit, he took it much better than I thought he would. So we're going to go to Vegas for three days in December. And I'm trying to put anything regarding surrogate stuff out of mind...for now. And trying to find the silver lining in this news: both IT Geek and Nurse Mom agreed we can use this new-found time to pay down bills and student loans, so we've got more saved up for when we do get to Baby DeFrias.


Babydreams2011 said…
Oh Kara... I am so sorry. We are on surro #2 as well, with fingers crossed. I truly believe things happen for a reason too. Your perfect surrogate is just around the corner! Keeping you both in my prayers.
Gretchen said…
So crappy. I'm sorry. I hope that the 'lull' in December is just what you both need. Regardless of who carries them, those babies are just waiting for YOU TWO! Couldn't be cooler!
Hugs from us!

Mary Camp said…
Way to look at the positive side, Kara. Things do happen 4 reasons & sometimes it's best to just chill and reflect on all that you & J have going for you.

Gingerbreadmama said…
Oh honey, I am so sorry. Don't lose hope. It will happen. You two are meant to be parents, and everything leading up to this day just proves that.

I know it's expensive to use a surrogate "stranger" but maybe that is the best route. Save up, enjoy the holidays and maybe Oprah will leave a little something extra in your stocking.

I still wish I could do it for you. xo
T. said…
You kicked cancer's ass and you'll triumph over this surrogate issue too.
Gary S. said…
A small detour off Tenacity Highway. Deep breaths and decompression during the holiday season will be useful.
Kara DeFrias said…
Thanks everyone for the positive thoughts, it means a lot. :)

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