i'm abnormal...go figure

Dr. Nice Lady called Monday night with the test results. Unfortunately, I was in a meeting and by the time I was able to call her back it was after hours.

Monday night sucked, because I could tell by her tone she wasn't calling to tell me I won a pony. About 5,000 wonderful things ran through my head, like "Wow, my maternal grandmother died when my mom was 16, is she going to lose her daughter, too?" and "How will John pay the bills and can he keep the house if I'm not around."

You know, happy thoughts.

There were a couple of good cries, mainly around how I always wanted kids, and how crack whores on welfare can have 20 of them...I just wanted one. With the crying out of the way, I tried to get some rest.

I called first thing Tuesday, but Dr. Nice Lady wasn't in, so I made her assistant tell me what was up. She said the tissue I passed was okay (it was an infarcted polyp), but the biopsy came back "abnormal." She couldn't tell me anything else, but promised to have DNL call me as soon as she got in. A little bit later, she called and asked how quickly I could get down to her office.

Not good.

We rushed down to her office. Turns out the biopsy looks like endometrial cancer (aka cancer of the uterus). The next steps include a a DnC (as my mother, the RN, aka Nurse Mom, calls it: a Dust N' Clean) next week, and that'll let us know what stage it is (1-4). Depending on how bad it is, I'll most likely win a lovely, all-expenses paid trip to The Land of 30-Something Hysterectomies.

Of the cancers to get, DNL said uterine is one of the best (as opposed to my earlier bout with melanoma, which is one of the worst). This one's contained in the baby-makin' area, so it rarely spreads out into the rest of the body. That's cool.

I am grateful for a bunch of things, including acupuncture, which worked at getting things moving in the first place! Many thanks to my East Coast friend Usability Chick, who was so in love with the acupuncture place after getting a foot massage there that she gave me a gift certificate to it...which led me to getting one, too...where I met AccuBabyMaker and began acupuncture...who got all my energy, chi, and blood flowing...which led to the polyp passing...which led to the biospy...which led to the cancer diagnosis. Usability Chick and AccuBabyMaker saved my life!

So let's focus on other positives:
  • As DNL pointed out, without kids, we can afford to take three cruises a year, which is a nice life.
  • As Nurse Mom pointed out, if we really want a kid we can always fly down to Haiti and pick one off the beach.
  • Without a uterus, that means no having to give birth...which means I can detour the having to go through labor thing (which has always been something I wanted to avoid in the event I got pregnant).
  • If they end up taking out my uterus, then they might as well take out the pesky PCOS-laden ovaries...which means no more hair in unwanted places - BONUS!
The DnC is next Thursday, and we'll know more after that. I'm scheduled to go to SXSW in March and Australia/New Zealand in May, so of course BigHMO will have to fit the surgeries in between them because there's no way I'm canceling either.

Oh, and that big freakin' deal at work: April 15.

As Nurse Mom said, "You have April 16th to December 1st to get sick and pull this shit now?!" I heart her.

Does this suck ass? Yes. But we're focusing on the positive and trying to find the humor where we can.

(I know the Haiti joke is tasteless...my mom was just trying to make me laugh, and you know you chuckled before you realized you probably shouldn't be. We've explored adoption in the past, and we're very much open to it. Right now, we're just focusing on getting through this part.)


Mary Camp said…
Kara, you are a talented writer & everything in this post is true you...in your words...the real deal. Yes, it sucks, but one way or another, you'll come out a winner & those that are lucky enough to have you as a friend want you to be around forever:-)

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