March 24, 2008

takin' it to the street (aka women need to talk about this sh!t more)

Over the past few months, I discovered about more of my friends - and their friends - who have not been able to conceive easily. The weird part is, I never knew about this until I shared with them my issues with PCOS.

Why don't we, as women, talk about these things more? Is it because of shame? A stigma that we aren't supposed to talk about this? Maybe, for some, they think that it's no one else's business except theirs and their husband's, and I respect that. But for everyone else who's just staying quiet...

Well EFF that! You know how much better I've felt talking about it to these women and finding out there are others going through the same thing? It's liberating to hear I'm not some freak of nature. To be honest, it's been very therapeutic getting my thoughts and feelings out on paper (even if it is cyberpaper) via this blog. It helps keep me sane and focused.

Having said all that, I decided over the weekend (and after talking to some of my girlfriends who also had issues conceiving), that I'm switching this blog from private to public. And if sharing my blog might give another woman a chance to read about someone going through these problems, isn't it better for me to share?

Going forward, I'm still going to try to find some of the humor in it all as well. I mean, come on, it wouldn't be me without some acerbic commentary on it all.

Enjoy!

---

Update (03.24.2011): In the 3 years since I originally wrote this post, I'm happy to report I no longer have PCOS! Of course, it's because I no longer have ovaries, or a uterus, or any of things medically necessary have a baby myself -- that's because in February of 2010 uterine cancer stole that from me. We were lucky in that we were able to do IVF prior to my hysterectomy, and we now have 6 kidscicles on ice.

I still firmly believe the above words, though. As I was faced with my loss of fertility in the face of cancer, even more friends, family, and acquaintances came out of the woodwork to share their struggles. (Even Dads - who equally goes through these pains yet are forgotten in the focus on the woman - shared with me that thanks to this site they feel they can now talk about things.)

So keep talking about this stuff. It's too important not to. Think you're alone? You're not. Trust me, you're not the only drama queen in town. There's PLENTY of us to go around.

3 comments:

mamacoreenie said...

Kara, thank you for sharing your fertility issues and for being so strong and brave. As you know, Lance and I spent over two years trying to conceive. We did several tests, two fertility treatments and had one miscarriage before the birth of our son. And it was all worth it.

So I too believe that if we take the stigma of not being able to conceive easily away, then it magnifies the fact that life is a precious gift, and that getting pregnant and having a baby is a true blessing. Children are not accessories, they are a gift from God. I'm not overly religious or spiritual but I do believe that.

Brook Shields said something about getting pregnant (she did fertility too) that I took to heart when we started going through all our stuff, she said something like "there is a difference between just wanting to have a baby and really wanting to be a mother". So the lengths you go through to get there should not be viewed in a negative light.

Surround yourself with family and friends and pack your quiver full with a sense of humor. Humor is required! Parenthood is a journey and you'll need laughter along the way during it all; conception, pregnancy and finally motherhood.

Best wishes to you!

Dawn said...

Hey K,

As you know, I also have PCOS - but without the C's. I just had to be different. I grew up always thinking something was seriously wrong with me because my cycle never was like "everyone else's." From the time I was a teen, I wondered if I'd be able to conceive. Not that it preoccupied my mind then, thankfully I had much more important things to concern myself with like getting in trouble in Ms. Westerfer's class for LOOKING like I was going to talk to YOU. :) But, it did become concerning when Bob and I became serious and decided we would get married and eventually have kids one day.

I was so relieved when my OBGYN told me that I had this syndrome because it meant it could, in some way, be dealt with. And not only that, that there were OTHERS like me. Luckily, in my case, my ovaries were just a bit underactive and needed a kick in the butt from my wonder-drug Clomid. I had my doubts it would work. It seemed like a $2 pill would never solve this infertility problem that I dealt with for years. But it did. Thank God for modern medicine. And now, 7 1/2 months later, Bob and I are expecting our first baby and all seems healthy with him or her so far.

I have to agree with mamacoreenie that children are a gift from God. And that gift will be sent in whatever way God sees fit - whether it's through your body naturally, through your body with assistance, or through another's body in some other circumstance. And you know that I too am not religious. Spiritual, but not religious. Heck, I am still pro-choice, 7 1/2 months pregnant and all. :)

You're already a mother. You are doing everything that a mother does to prepare for and make her child well. And I think Xander would agree.

Just keep the remotes away from the baby...

Love you much,
Dawn

comment dit-on said...

the only time there is shame associated with real life if when people don't talk about.

good for you for coming out. : )